Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Game Boy: E3 2005: Meet Game Boy Micro

According to George Harrison, Nintendo of America's senior vice president of marketing and corporate communications, Game Boy Micro will redefine your personal image. "Because of its diminutive size and industrial-hip look, Game Boy Micro immediately identifies the person playing it as a trendsetter with discriminating style," he says.

This scene presents itself:

Hot Chick #1: Hey, whoa! Do you see that 31-year-old zit-faced doughball over there?
Hot Chick #2: Oooh, yeah. He's playing Game Boy Micro!
Hot Chick #1: He's obviously a trendsetter with discriminating style, eh?
Hot Chick #2: Mmm hmmm. Let's go over there, start making out with each other, and invite him to our secret hot-chick orgy club!
Hot Chick #1: Zut Alors! My face explodes with unleashed passion!

Maybe I'm just being cynical, but I doubt playing a Game Boy will ever immediately identify one as a trendsetter with disriminating style. I mean, not even cell phones do that, and they're much higher on the Get-You-Laid-With-Hot-Chicks scale than Game Boys. That scale goes as follows:

1: Being a Baldwin
2: Being gay
3: Big loud goddamn souped-up import cars
4: Being a huge jerk
5: Axe Body Spray
6: Not having a passionate opinion on Star Wars one way or the other
7: Teeth filed to points
97: Being a cannibal
98: Having a cell phone
99: Playing a Game Boy
100: Having a pile of shit for a head

Seriously. I used to have a frickin' watch with games on it, and another that transformed into a robot. If neither of those got me laid back then, good luck with your damn Game Boy Micro.