The New Deep Throat

Fast-forwarding this show through to the plot points, here's how it goes:

An attractive young man, a Canadian in Italy, stands in his apartment. His wife comes in, and she wonders when their guest will find an apartment. Cue guest to come in, a tall man from "back home," who's staying with the couple. Everyone looks at each other for a moment, and....

*fast forward*

The two attractive young men look for an apartment in Italy. They're having no luck, so they agree to screw it and go home.

*fast forward*

The two attractive young men go out again looking for apartments. They come to one that looks decent before the prospective roommate, an attractive Italian blonde, makes her way into the room.

*fast forward*

The two men, the first man's wife, and the new roommate hang out in the new apartment drinking wine together.

*credits*

I've often said that kung fu movies feel like pornos to me: They have some shallow plot punctuated by pure-entertainment. That is to say, the plot carries on until someone starts fighting, then the plot stops until the fight is over. It's like, "Okay plot, we have to titilate the audience with our kung-fu stylings; you can come back in a minute." In fact, if you exchange sex scenes for the fights in a kung-fu movie (or fights for the sex scenes in a porno), I imagine the plot wouldn't make much less sense.

I've been watching a lot of the Food Network lately (trust me, it links up) because it's disgustingly entertaining to me to watch people make food that makes me think, "I, too, can make food like that!" For some reason I can watch the Food Network for hours, without a single trace of drugs in my system, without getting bored.

I guess where I'm headed is that the plot above is from a cooking show.

There are a few cooking shows now that are much like pornos. There's some plot (Two Australian surfing guys, one of them is getting married, so they decide to cook fabulous dishes for the wedding), and there are cooking sequences in among the plot bits. In the plot above, which is from the cooking show David Rocco's Dolce Vide, he cooks some cookies for his guest, then some kind of fish, then some pasta e fagioli, then something else I don't remember because I was busy explaining the whole cooking show = porno idea to my fiancee. Whenever the cooking started, the plot stopped, and the show became a cooking show. When the cooking was over, the plot continued.

Just like in a porno, you're left thinking, "Why the plot?" You could do without it and have more time for cooking, right? But it wouldn't be as interesting. Just like in pornos, some people just need the plot. And when you think about it, how many times can you cook something in the space of an hour? It's good to have a few minutes to rest inbetween "sessions."

Also just like porno, couples can watch these shows together and say, "Why can't you do that more?" and "I think he's using too much custard." It's kinda like porno that you wouldn't be embarrassed to have your mother walk in on. Unless you were wanking it to Dolce Vide, in which case you have other things going on.

I guess the coolest thing would be to mix cooking shows with pornos. Like, the plumber walks in and sees the half-naked housewife, who invites him into the kitchen, where she is making a salt-crust grill and some tuna tartar con broccoli, and they make out like rabid skunks while the oven preheats. That sounds like entertainment that would set a college dorm aflame.