RELEASE ME: The HOUSE OF BONZER!!!!!!

Everyone's favorite Tasmanian Tiger returns to take back the Outback this fall in TY the Tasmanian Tiger 2: Bush Rescue.

Really. We did a survey of over a thousand people who thought Tasmanian Tigers were awesome, and they ALL said Ty was the best one.

TY, the wild yet charismatic [gay], boomerang wielding Tasmanian Tiger will lead players through a brilliantly animated new 3D adventure set in the ruggedness and splendor of Australia [where they have all the flat land filled with.. uhm, dirt. Ahh, splendor].

TY the Tasmanian Tiger 2: Bush Rescue picks up where the original popular action platform game left off. The cast of characters from Down Under has grown, and so has the action! [No, really! I remember when the action was *this* high!] Evil Boss Cass has broken out of Currawong Jail and hatched a plan to take over the world with an army of Uber Reptiles. It's up to our boomerang-wielding hero, TY, and his newly formed team of Burramudgee Bush Rescue mates to stop him!

Okay, hang on a sec. Are we really making a game that steals a plot from Chip & Dale? "Let's go, Rescue Rangers--er, 'Rescue... mates!'"

TY the Tasmanian Tiger 2: Bush Rescue offers platform gamers a huge open environment [Take a drink] to explore by foot and vehicle. Gamers can now enjoy more excitement and adventure [NEW! to the game industry, more fun and adventure! This game is empirically 20% more fun!], with more boomerangs, "Mech units" with special powers and abilities, off-road open world action, and a wide variety of gameplay styles [because our main gameplay style was really boring].

Key Features

• TY is equipped with an arsenal of 21 upgradeable boomerangs, including the Lasharang, Kaboomarang, and Megarang. Not to mention the Awesomearang, the Kookaburrarang, and the Orangurang.


• Collect precious opals and trade them off in a new monetary system that lets players buy and trade weapons for TY. You can go into any old "Arang" store and buy things like Knife-arangs, Bomberangs, and Really-Cool-Goddamn-Weaponarangs.


• The game features five different "Mech units" to help TY fight large numbers of enemies and complete mini-missions. With these "Mech units" TY will have the ability to swim under lava; shoot lasers, Blastorangs, water or fire; and much more. Anyone know what this is about? Because man, they lost me with the Mechs and what-not.


• TY will also be challenged to complete driving and flying missions featuring combat and puzzle solving, with access to helicopters, submarines, and off-road trucks. Hang on, hang on. I just noticed Ty's name is spelled "TY." Apparently TY's parents were members of the great anti-CAPS-LOCK movement in Australia there.


• Unlockable cart racing mini-games will allow gamers to challenge their friends in seven unique cart racing levels set across different areas of the Outback. DUDE. I have this great idea. Why don't we take our platforming mascot and--get this--put him in a go-kart! We can have him race around and stuff! And after that, we can make some FAST zombies! Hold on everyone, the Innovation Train is leaving the station!


• Explore the Australian Outback by foot or vehicle in an open world filled with excitement and danger around every corner. The Outback: Now filled with danger! Last time I was there, it was just filled with stuffed koalas and 24-ounce steaks.


• Interact with a cast of 100+ characters indigenous to the Australian Outback who help TY in his adventures and battles against Boss Cass. We did the research! Every one of these talking, anthropomorphic CGI animals really do live in the Outback.


• Fight off Boss Cass and his evil Uber Reptile minions in more than 50 missions set in an enormous world that includes Australian deserts, rain forests, billabongs, sunny beaches, and country towns. I have nothing to say about this. All my sarcasm is saved for the next one.... Well, actually, "billabongs."


• The game features Living Environment Technology (LETS™) to create lush organic environments; streaming level technology for large worlds of uninterrupted gameplay; and realistic cloth simulation. Well, thank the lord the organic environments are lush. And I was on the fence until the "realistic cloth simulation" came up. I'll buy TEN COPIES!!!!!!